I am writing this at 3am on the boys' due date. Exactly 14 weeks ago, we had the doctors scrambling around prepping for my c-section. Everything was a mess and nothing was going according to plan. Heck, we weren't even in the same universe as the plan!
Earlier tonight, while on my way to see Seanie, I thought about the circumstances surrounding their birth. When I arrived at the hospital and was heading to the elevator to go to the NICU, something familar caught my eye. Down the hallway on the labor and delivery unit, I saw a man who I knew that I knew, but wasn't sure how I knew him. In a split second, he was gone. I stood there waiting for the elevator with my back to it because I was staring down the hallway into labor and delivery. And, then, there he was again, talking to another man. I walked towards to door to get a closer look. Then, I recognized his shoes - or, really, I should say, I recognized the shoes I had been told about - old Vans. Yes, it was the doctor who was forced into deciding to deliver the boys even though they were only 26 weeks. He took a huge risk. If there had been a bad outcome, the blame would have fallen on his shoulders. Hindsight is 20/20. He absolutely made the right decision. The outcome could have been very different if he had waited even a few hours.
When I met Dr G, I immediately liked him. There was something about him that made me trust him. Bubba has joked about his "Johnny Bravo" response to a mock child abduction code, his old Vans, and the fact that he looked like he shows up to work on a surfboard. Not the typical doctor that I prefer. But, when he came into my room on that Thursday night, I trusted him as soon as he said hello. When he said I needed my c-section early Friday morning, I knew it was the right thing to do (heck, I might have even been begging for him to do it). And, then during a moment of clarity admist all the anesthesia and pain medicine, Dr G came and checked on me in the recovery room. I remember asking him two things - did I have a classical incision (a verticle cut on my uterus requiring a c-section in any future pregnancies) and did he use sutures or staples. He said yes, I had a classical incision and that he used sutures in a tone that said to me that he never even considered staples, I gave him a thumbs up and then fell back to sleep.
On my way to the NICU to see Seanie, I had to wade through what seemed like 100 pregnant women. It was the "Late Pregnancy/Hospital Tour" group. I smiled a nice fake little smile and they all smiled back none the wiser. Secretly, I hated each and every one of them for those few moments. As I got to Pod 104 (the room that has been Seanie's home for the last 98 days), I looked in the window as I always have. Seanie wasn't in his bed. The bed was empty. I looked around the room and saw that little Sean had been moved to another location in the room. He had lost his bed with a view (he had been in the bed by the window). As I changed Seanie's diaper and got ready to snuggle with him, I joked to the nurse that Seanie had lost his prime location housing. She said it was because Seanie isn't critical and those spots are for babies who are critical (there is different monitoring equipment on those beds - I had never noticed it until the nurse pointed it out). Seanie's bed and Colton's bed were ready for new babies to be admitted in them. There was a set of early twins (maybe 28 weeks) who were expected to be born soon.
I pulled the curtain around Seanie's bed and sat down with him in my arms. I held him tight as I told him I loved him and that I hope and pray he grows up to be a strong boy. I also told him I was sorry he came into this world so early and that he wasn't home with his brother, mommy and daddy. As I told him, tears ran down my face. I hugged and kissed him and told him he was the handsomest boy in the NICU.
3:27 am: Colton's birth time
When I got home, I sat and held Colton. I told Colton that loved him dearly and that I was sorry for his early entrance into this world. I told him I was sorry for his brain problems and that I hope he is able to overcome the bleeding, hydrocephalus and the shunt. Tears ran down my face as I talked to him. I hugged and kissed him as well.
3:28 am: Sean's birth time
Colton and Sean are officially 14 weeks old. Yet, their adjusted age is 40 weeks. Tomorrow, their adjusted age will be 1 day. One day.